Snow.

It literally looks like the Apocalypse outside. I'm beginning to hate everything. People, animals, just everything about everything. The government is turning into a bunch of fear mongering communists. Family is all just a figment of my imagination. It feels like I'm the only one that even remotely values my life in anyway. My mother calls me and asks me for money probably 4 to 5 times a week. Yet shes claims me on her taxes AND receives child support for me still. Literally my mom has done nothing but use me my whole life. It's driving me crazy. Everything, is driving me crazy. I'm almost to where I just want everything to end, The only thing that I find scary about that is that I'm not even afraid of it anymore. I'm not afraid to die anymore of any cause period. That's what worries me of the possibility that I might do something drastic and possibly pstchotic. Why can't I save myself anymore? Why doesn't anyone care enough to save me? Why is it that every time something good happens in my life, something more than 100 times worse happens? I can never win apparently. So I'm done trying.

Going out.

Going out to buy christmas gifts and groceries today. I wonder what I'll get for him. I was going to get him a new watch. I'm not sure i want to get him that though. It seems so tacky. Heres a watch cause i dont know what to get you. A watch is so heartless to get someone. Here let me buy you this, it runs on batteries, and it counts every minute that youre alive. So you can keep track of how long before you die. :) Merry christmas. Even if its a really nice watch, that just means you bought them a pretty death counter. I know he wont see it like that, but i do. I dont know what to get. I could buy him a shirt... But hed probably never wear it and then itd be a waste of money. We cant afford this holiday, we can barely afford living. Maybe ill just make him a card.... encourage the deforestation of the planet some more... I dont know, I hate christmas. I used to love this holiday its so pretty.. money ruined my life.

This.

This is going to be my space. My place of random night time thoughts. Where I'll spend the time I should be sleeping putting my thoughts into words. Where everyone will see. Where everyone will read the thoughts of a lonely and depressed insomniac. To discover how not so lonely I am, but how lonely I feel. How everything works in this brain. Enjoy the literature.